La SGAE y otras alimañas

Cuando pienso en la SGAE y en la eficacia de sus métodos me acuerdo siempre de un sketch de Monty Python en el que un grupo de mafiosi trata de extorsionar al ejército británico mediante la clásica oferta de “protección". Un genial Graham Chapman interpreta a un descolocado coronel, a quien Terry Jones y Michael Palin, con trajes negros con rayas blancas, sombrero y palillo en la boca, explican:

Sergeant: Two civilian gentlemen to see you ... sir!
Colonel: Show them in please, sergeant.
Sergeant: Mr Dino Vercotti and Mr Luigi Vercotti. The Vercotti brothers enter. They wear Mafia suits and dark glasses.
Dino:Good morning, colonel.
Colonel : Good morning gentlemen. Now what can I do for you.
Luigi (looking round office casually): You've ... you've got a nice army base here, colonel.
Colonel: Yes.
Luigi: We wouldn't want anything to happen to it.
Colonel: What?
Dino: No, what my brother means is it would be a shame if... (he knocks something off mantel)
Colonel: Oh.
Dino: Oh sorry, colonel.
Colonel: Well don't worry about that. But please do sit down.
Luigi: No, we prefer to stand, thank you, colonel.
Colonel :All right. All right. But what do you want?
Dino: What do we want, ha ha ha.
Luigi: Ha ha ha, very good, colonel.
Dino: The colonel's a joker, Luigi.
Luigi: Explain it to the colonel, Dino.
Dino: How many tanks you got, colonel?
Colonel: About five hundred altogether.
Luigi: Five hundred! Hey?
Dino: You ought to be careful, colonel.
Colonel: We are careful, extremely careful.
Dino: 'Cos things break, don't they?
Colonel: Break?
Luigi:Well everything breaks, don't it colonel. (he breaks something on desk) Oh dear.
Dino:Oh see my brother's clumsy colonel, and when he gets unhappy he breaks things. Like say, he don't feel the army's playing fair by him, he may start breaking things, colonel.
Colonel:What is all this about?
Luigi: How many men you got here, colonel?
Colonel: Oh, er ... seven thousand infantry, six hundred artillery, and er, two divisions of paratroops.
Luigi: Paratroops, Dino.
Dino: Be a shame if someone was to set fire to them.
Colonel: Set fire to them?
Luigi: Fires happen, colonel.
Dino: Things burn.
Colonel: Look, what is all this about?
Dino: My brother and I have got a little proposition for you colonel.
Luigi: Could save you a lot of bother.
Dino: I mean you're doing all right here aren't you, colonel.
Luigi: Well suppose some of your tanks was to get broken and troops started getting lost, er, fights started breaking out during general inspection, like.
Dino: It wouldn't be good for business would it, colonel?
Colonel: Are you threatening me?
Dino: Oh, no, no, no.
Luigi: Whatever made you think that, colonel?
Dino: The colonel doesn't think we're nice people, Luigi.
Luigi: We're your buddies, colonel.
Dino: We want to look after you.
Colonel: Look after me?
Luigi: We can guarantee you that not a single armoured division will get done over for fifteen bob a week.
Colonel: No, no, no.
Luigi: Twelve and six.
Colonel: No, no, no.
Luigi: Eight and six ... five bob...

Los métodos de la SGAE son los de los mafiosos italo-americanos de las películas de Coppola: usan la fuerza para tratar de controlar un mercado del que quieren sacar tajada. Ni más ni menos. El dinero es una obsesión para ellos y por eso el mismo concepto de software libre les resulta tan aberrante como la descarga ilegal de música o películas de la red. Como buenos fanáticos, ya no distinguen blanco de negro. Menos mal que todavía queda alguien dispuesto a pararles los pies.

¡Salud!